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Mindfulness is paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally – that’s free from distraction or judgment, and aware of our thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them. Turn off your cruise control!

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in each moment, noticing and observing emotions and thoughts without judgment, and viewing oneself from a place of compassion. Scholarly research demonstrates that mindfulness practice results in the altering of brain structures that lead to improved psychological well-being (happier, more relaxed and more appreciative), increased attention, and a reduction in stress and anxiety.  Mindfulness has even shown to change brain chemistry in the areas of our brain that help us manage emotions and areas related to memory and attention. It does not take away stress and feelings or change what happens to you, but it does change your relationship with what happens and there is so much power in that – tuning-in so you can tune-out chaos, stress, and feelings of burn-out.

One’s ability to be mindful can be improved through meditative practice. People who regularly meditate consistently evidence higher levels of self-compassion and overall well-being, and significantly lower levels of psychological symptoms, burnout, and difficulties with managing emotions.

Without mindfulness you may be more likely to engage in more reactive behaviors that only exacerbate the strong feelings you are having. For example, quickly snapping at your children making the time spent together contentious and negative. Reactive behavior is behavior that comes from allowing the emotion to control you or attempting to escape from the emotion; that can look like dismissiveness, blaming, rejection, anger/yelling, avoiding what is making you anxious.

When you practice mindfulness during stressful times, such as when strong emotions are triggered inside of you, you are more likely to be present in the moment and aware of your feelings and thoughts. Then, you are also more likely to notice how these thoughts and feelings impact how you respond to yourself and others around you. For example: “Wow, I'm feeling really angry and thinking about how I changed my day so I could pick the kids up early from school and the kids were disappointed because they didn’t get to stay and play at aftercare. With this recognition, you are more likely to be flexible and meet the demands in your everyday life in a way that feels better for you and for the people around you.

So, how does this affect parents then?

Being mindful allows you to manage difficult times better because you are in control of you behavior regardless of your child’s behavior. In the moment, you are more aware that you are triggered and you can stop yourself from reacting and be proactive in calming yourself. Then you are more capable of seeing from your child’s perspective what they need that is separate from your own emotions and stress, and respond and connect to their needs.

This also means you can model managing emotions for your children. For example, the more you yell, the more your child yells or vice versa. The same can happen with the more you stay calm and mindful, the more your child will learn to calm. Parents are a child’s first teacher, they are sponges and learn so much from you - even how to cope with stress and frustration.

During the normal everyday, being in the moment with your child, whether you are playing, they are helping you cook dinner, or you are snuggling on the couch, it allows you to better cherish positive moments. This goes along with the popular 4-to-1 rule, for every one negative interaction you want to have four positive ones. The more positive interactions you have with your children daily, the easier it is to handle those negative conflictual moments - the same goes for your child. And, what a great opportunity to provide positive affirmations and praise that children thrive off of!

All children will have times of happiness, sadness, anger and every other emotion. Periods of bad days, meltdowns and outbursts are expected and normal, especially in times of school or family stress. However, if these periods of heightened emotions last for a long time, severely disrupt school or relationships, or if there are safety concerns, mental health treatment is recommended. It is important to note that a family history of mental health problems can put a child at increased risk for a mental health disorder. Specific signs that your child may need help from a professional include the following:

• Persistent sadness on most days, for more than a week

• Dramatic changes in weight or appetite

• Dramatic decrease in grades or school performance

• Frequent, intense worries about safety, feeling judged or embarrassing oneself, especially if it leads to avoidance of people or places

• Signs of anxiety or panic attacks, which include rapid heart rate, difficulty breathing, jittery muscles, an intense feeling of disconnect from the world or the feeling that one might die

• Persistent anger or tantrums that seem inappropriate for your child’s age

• Thoughts of self-harm or of suicide

• Sudden loss of interest in previously enjoyable hobbies or activities

• Engaging in acts of violence

• Difficulty sitting still, concentrating and staying organized

• Persistent difficulty making or keeping friendships that is upsetting to your child

• Dramatic changes in behavior, like refusing to leave one’s room for days or reportedly hearing or seeing things that others don’t

• Periods of high energy, little sleep, elated or irritable mood, and risky behavior

• Drug and illegal substance use that impairs function

Types of Mental Health Treatment Available for Children

Depending on the age of your child and the issues they’re struggling with, psychotherapy, medications or both might be recommended. Psychotherapy is also commonly called therapy, or counseling. A common goal of therapy is to teach the child to have better control over intense emotions and disruptive behaviors, and to assist caregivers with how to respond to those intense emotions and disruptive behaviors.

Therapy can also help your child learn healthy coping skills for managing stress. These can include breathing techniques, art, meditation, exercise, verbal communication skills, prayer and more. There are many types of therapy appropriate for children, such as play therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Family Therapy, and Parent Training.

With all these options, how do parents know which treatment is appropriate? A psychological evaluation is recommended. A psychological evaluation helps clarify the reasons why a child is engaging, or not engaging, in certain behaviors. By clearly identifying the challenges, as well as the child’s strengths, the psychologist can inform which evidence-based therapy will be the most helpful to supporting your child.

Engaging With Your Child’s Treatment

If your child is reluctant to seek mental health help, bring up your concerns during a relaxed moment, free from heightened emotions. Frequently remind them of your willingness to listen to them, but refrain from putting pressure on them to talk. Considering engaging another trusted adult like a coach, teacher or religious community member.

You may be wondering how you can be engaged in your child’s mental health treatment. Here are a few tips to keep mind:

• Regularly check-in with your child and their provider

• Ask your child what they want to get out of treatment and how you can help

• Educate yourself about your child’s diagnosis, and search for other helpful resources

Every day is a learning experience for your little one and for you as the parent. You watch them develop and experience the world around them for the first time. But what happens when you start to notice signs that your child may be on a different developmental path from his/her peers?

There are some specific signs of Autism to watch for that indicate a psychological evaluation would be appropriate for your child. Signs of Autism Spectrum consist of differences or delays in the development of social communication skills and behavioral differences, also known as repetitive and restricted behavior. Below I have listed some behaviors that may suggest autism spectrum disorder.

Common signs by age:

• At 12 months, a child with typical development will turn his head when he hears his name. On the other hand, a child with autism may not turn to look, even after his name is called repeatedly.

• At 18 months, a child with delayed speech still points, gestures or uses facial expressions to make up for the speech delays. Think of this like watching a silent movie – there are no words, but you still can understand what the person is trying to communicate. On the other hand, a child with autism spectrum may whine and cry as the parents are left to anticipate the child’s needs. Another way that a child may communicate a need is by leading the parent by the hand and placing the parent’s hand on the object without making eye contact with the parent. A child with autism also may not enjoy playing with other children, but instead prefers solo activities where he or she will show excitement by smiling or laughing while still not make eye contact.

• At 24 months, a typically developing child might excitedly show his or her parents a favorite toy or a new drawing. The child will show the picture, look at the picture, and then look at the parent’s face while directing a smile and making eye contact with the parent. A child with autism might bring his or her markers or toys for the parent to open but does not make eye contact or direct a facial expression at the parent.

Early signs of Autism Spectrum Disorders

Social communication differences:

• May have temperamental differences during infancy, such as being a very quiet baby or a very fussy baby and difficult to soothe

• Makes little or no eye contact

• May avoid following a parent’s gaze or finger to see what the parent is looking at or pointing to 

• Little to no pointing at objects to get parents to look at them

• Shows little or no expression in response to a parent’s smile or other facial expressions

• Less likely to bring objects to show their parents for the purpose of sharing their interest

• Less likely to show appropriate facial expressions

• Difficulty noticing other people’s emotions

• Less likely to show empathy 

• Prefers to be alone or has difficulty establishing and maintaining friendships

• Responds to sounds but may be less likely to respond to own name 

• May repeat what others say or what they hear

• Less likely to engage in a conversation with others

• May have a good memory for numbers, songs, TV shows or other specific topics 

• Some children lose language skills they had previously obtained

Behavioral differences:

• May rock, spin, sway, twirl fingers or flap hands

• Prefers routines, order or rituals

• May be obsessed with a few activities and doing them repeatedly throughout the day

• More likely to play with the parts of toys instead of the whole toy. For example, showing intense interest in spinning the wheels of a truck, as opposed to playing with or “driving around” the whole truck

• May be able to read at an early age but often without understanding the material

• May be very sensitive or not sensitive at all to smells, sounds, textures, touch and pain

• May have unusual use of vision or gaze such as looking at objects from the corner of their eyes

• May have unusual or intense interest