Mindfulness is paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally – that’s free from distraction or judgment, and aware of our thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them. Turn off your cruise control!

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in each moment, noticing and observing emotions and thoughts without judgment, and viewing oneself from a place of compassion. Scholarly research demonstrates that mindfulness practice results in the altering of brain structures that lead to improved psychological well-being (happier, more relaxed and more appreciative), increased attention, and a reduction in stress and anxiety.  Mindfulness has even shown to change brain chemistry in the areas of our brain that help us manage emotions and areas related to memory and attention. It does not take away stress and feelings or change what happens to you, but it does change your relationship with what happens and there is so much power in that – tuning-in so you can tune-out chaos, stress, and feelings of burn-out.

One’s ability to be mindful can be improved through meditative practice. People who regularly meditate consistently evidence higher levels of self-compassion and overall well-being, and significantly lower levels of psychological symptoms, burnout, and difficulties with managing emotions.

Without mindfulness you may be more likely to engage in more reactive behaviors that only exacerbate the strong feelings you are having. For example, quickly snapping at your children making the time spent together contentious and negative. Reactive behavior is behavior that comes from allowing the emotion to control you or attempting to escape from the emotion; that can look like dismissiveness, blaming, rejection, anger/yelling, avoiding what is making you anxious.

When you practice mindfulness during stressful times, such as when strong emotions are triggered inside of you, you are more likely to be present in the moment and aware of your feelings and thoughts. Then, you are also more likely to notice how these thoughts and feelings impact how you respond to yourself and others around you. For example: “Wow, I'm feeling really angry and thinking about how I changed my day so I could pick the kids up early from school and the kids were disappointed because they didn’t get to stay and play at aftercare. With this recognition, you are more likely to be flexible and meet the demands in your everyday life in a way that feels better for you and for the people around you.

So, how does this affect parents then?

Being mindful allows you to manage difficult times better because you are in control of you behavior regardless of your child’s behavior. In the moment, you are more aware that you are triggered and you can stop yourself from reacting and be proactive in calming yourself. Then you are more capable of seeing from your child’s perspective what they need that is separate from your own emotions and stress, and respond and connect to their needs.

This also means you can model managing emotions for your children. For example, the more you yell, the more your child yells or vice versa. The same can happen with the more you stay calm and mindful, the more your child will learn to calm. Parents are a child’s first teacher, they are sponges and learn so much from you - even how to cope with stress and frustration.

During the normal everyday, being in the moment with your child, whether you are playing, they are helping you cook dinner, or you are snuggling on the couch, it allows you to better cherish positive moments. This goes along with the popular 4-to-1 rule, for every one negative interaction you want to have four positive ones. The more positive interactions you have with your children daily, the easier it is to handle those negative conflictual moments - the same goes for your child. And, what a great opportunity to provide positive affirmations and praise that children thrive off of!