If you have been following along with our Mindful Parenting journey, you might feel like you have a toolbox full of new gadgets but aren't quite sure how to build the house yet. We have talked about staying calm, giving specific praise, and setting boundaries. But how does this look in real life, on a busy Tuesday morning when you are running late for work?

In this final wrap-up, we are going to focus on "Pulling It All Together." We will review how to track behaviors, the strategies to increase the good moments, and the specific steps to take when things get tough.

Step 1: Put on Your Detective Hat

Before we can change anything, we need to understand what is actually happening. We call this Tracking the Behavior.

It is easy to feel like a child is "always" misbehaving, but usually, there are patterns we miss. Start by creating a behavior diary. When a meltdown happens, jot down the "Who, When, and Where," what happened before (the trigger), and what happened after (the consequence).

You will likely start to see trends around Problematic Times. For many families, these "hot spots" are:

• Waking up in the morning.

• Meal times.

• Transitions, like going to school or coming home.

• When a parent is busy, such as cooking or talking on the phone.

Step 2: The "Green Light" Strategies (Increasing Good Behavior)

Once you know the triggers, your goal is to lean heavily on strategies for Increasing Behavior. We want to water the flowers, not just pull the weeds.

Praise and Positive Attention: This is your most powerful tool. Remember, praise must be specific. Instead of a generic "Good job," try saying, "I like it when you..." or "Mommy/Daddy is very proud of you for...".

Routines are Essential: Developing routines is essential to starting a behavior and minimizing "escalation traps." Routines are especially helpful for stopping problem behaviors during homework or bedtime.

Tangible Rewards: Don't be afraid to use rewards to increase appropriate behaviors. You can reward compliance, using words instead of hands, and being respectful.

Step 3: The "Red Light" Strategies (Decreasing Bad Behavior)

Of course, even with the best routines, kids will test boundaries. When this happens, we switch to strategies for Decreasing Behavior.

We want to move away from reactive yelling and toward calm, consistent consequences. These include:

• Planned Ignoring: For minor attention-seeking annoyances.

• Time-Outs: For more serious defiance or aggression.

• Logical & Natural Consequences: Letting the situation teach the lesson.

Real-Life Example: Dealing with Hitting

Let’s look at a specific scenario that worries many parents: Hitting (or "Hands to Self"). How do we apply all these rules at once? Here is a step-by-step breakdown of how to handle it:

• Establish Clear Rules: Make it known that hitting is not acceptable and clearly establish what the consequences are beforehand.

• Teach Alternatives: Discuss alternative behaviors to engage in when they feel angry.

• Praise the Positive: When you see them using those alternatives (like taking a deep breath), provide praise immediately.

• Immediate Consequence: If the child hits, they go directly to Time-Out.

• The Repair: To leave time-out, the child should be calm and willing to apologize.

The Big Picture: What Are Your Goals?

As you implement these strategies, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself: What kind of parent do you want to be? What are your goals for your child?

It is easy to get bogged down in the daily grind of discipline, but don't forget the most important part: the relationship. Remember to spend fun time with your child, too. Establish consistent routines, praise the behavior you want to see, and communicate with schools and other important people in your child's life so everyone is on the same team.

You have the tools. Now, you just have to use them.